My dear sweet eldest child, whom I love with all my heart can manage to wind me up in a manner unbecoming. Shakespeare summed it up nicely, in this little argument between Helena and Hermia in A Midnight Summer’s Dream (which if you will believe, I actually own on VHS!):
Oh, when she’s angry, she is keen and shrewd! She was a vixen when she went to school. And though she be but little, she is fierce.
I worry not for sweet Annabelle, who is generally so well behaved, kind and generous to others. She is so very intuitive with me and we have the most interesting and heartfelt chats cuddled up in bed after some of our more trying afternoons.
Me: “Annabelle, I am terribly sorry that I said mean things. I was frustrated, and I should have taken time to sit quietly and then come back. I apologize. Do you forgive me?”Annabelle: “Mama, I love you, and you love me so much. All the way to Jupiter and back. That’s why we fight mama. I said mean things, too. I’m sorry. We shouldn’t fight. Let’s start again.”
Fortunately, I’ve spent years doing my absolute best to model healthy behavior. My routine is that when I become flustered, I take a mama time out. I politely ask her to stop fighting with me, and say that we will discuss things when we both have cooler heads. She can always key in to when I am sleep deprived, stressed, or otherwise disengaged, and these are the times that she chooses to test me. She likes to find out if I love her unconditionally. The answer is always yes. Sometimes I fail miserably at modeling ideal behavior, and we end up having the conversation above.
Her well-being (and that of the boys of course), and long term success are at the root of many of the things that we do. Attachment parenting, cloth diapering, co-sleeping, and extended breastfeeding were done out of necessity for her health but later became homeschooling and special time out with daddy or myself. Life with her has always been tumultuous, as she wasn’t the healthiest of infants/toddlers. But she is always able to find the spark of heaven in everything on Earth, despite the rough moments we may have, which puts me in awe of her connection with God and warms my heart. So why did I quote Shakespeare? Annabelle is a dainty slip of a girl. She is usually the smallest child in her class and is built like a ballerina dancer in a music box. But, my oh my, she is fierce! I don’t worry that she will ever not be able to stand up for herself.
“And though she be but little, she is fierce.”
Little, but fierce.
My son is the same way. He’s seven and he seems to like testing my limits but I have learned to just take my time with him and take a minute to cool off. Otherwise, it just makes him want to argue with me and that does not do either of us any good. They are just so smart at such a young age and some of the things he comes up with I don’t even know how to respond! He is quite witty! Your little girl is so cute! How precious!
I was like that when I was a child and you are right-she will be able to stand up for herself and what she believes in. It sounds like you are doing a great job working with her spirit without crushing who she is. My son was also similar but he is almost 15 and is very comfortable with himself and doesn’t really struggle much with peer pressure or anything. It is important to teach boundaries (which you are) and love (which you are) I think you are doing everything right